COMING TOGETHER--32

Mom stayed in bed longer than she should have. I criticized her for this, harshly. So I backed out of the room, leaving the light on, thinking maybe I should have been easier. I probably should be.

So after going to WalMart I stayed out of the kitchen. She came in the kitchen, ate the cereal we eat every day by herself. I must say in her defense, my mother does not hold grudges. She probably should, but she forgives as easily as anyone I know.

So when she ate well, I brought some fruit and apple juice for lunch. We had chicken strips, swiss cheese and apple juice. She ate well, as if this morning's disagreement hadn't happened. I can learn a lot from the way she conducted herself.

It is this afternoon; I went to the exercise room for an hour. She is asleep now as it is 125pm. I will not go to work this week, but next Monday I will have to decide whether to tell my employer I am retiring. I really don't like the company, but I do need to work.

This winter in Dallas, the weather has been remarkably nice. Cool, about 50 degrees, windy as usual, but certainly not cold. I sat outside by the pool, feeling the cool breeze, hearing the waterfall by the pool, relaxing.

When I came back, Mom was awake. She said she wanted to get on the stationary bicycle, although she's said this before. I gave her a vanilla cookie just for having a positive attitude and so she won't have to try to sneak cookies by me.

Then an hour later, she did get on the stationary bicycle--! For about 15 minutes. I offered her one of her favorite chocolate cookies--and she turned it down--! Now this is progress.

We had a good dinner, a good day.

Yesterday was a good enough day to make me think through my decision to retire. I'd like to have the money I was earning, but that would mean leaving Mom alone for 8 hours.

I don't want to go back to the same company I was with before. The work is boring, and it is far from where I now live. But I'd like to work. So I have to decide if I can leave Mom alone 5 days a week, for 8 hours.

My brother wants me to retire, to stay here so we don't have to move Mom to a retirement home. Moving her would mean moving all of her furniture, possessions, etc., moving her, and then me getting a job and an apartment. It would mean considerable stress on him and me, considerable dislocation, all kinds of talk between him and his wife. He has three difficult daughters to deal with, already.

But I'm 63 years old, not easy to get another job. Maybe I could strike it rich in the lottery. If I decide to retire I'll have to put the word out to my friends that I am not working, something might come up.

Right now I am spending more time away from Mom than I usually do. I have been to the bank, to get the car inspected, and the bookstore. Mom got up reluctantly at 10am. She did eat breakfast by herself and now she is laying on her sofa chair, maybe sleeping now that I am not there or watching tv about the pope.

I should be back with her around 1am. I don't know if this is a trend toward spending more time away from her, or this is just an exception. I have to admit I do like this not-having-a-job, living in the rich part of town, doing these errands for both of us. It's like being retired. But how long will this last? And when do I get bored?