I am having so many technical issues with this blog site, this will be the last post of the Commentary on Luke.  If anyone is interested in this commentary, leave me a comment and I will email you the entire Luke file.
Paul Austin

Luke 4.13

WITH THE TEMPTATIONS OVER, Jesus is filled with the Spirit almost like a celebration. He does not return to Bethlehem but to Galilee. This region is northeast of Jerusalem, higher in altitude, softer in climate and rich in trees, fruit, streams and easy breezes. It is the perfect place to rest.
Luke says an interesting thing in 4.14--news about Him spread through all the surrounding district. What news was that? That He had defeated the devil? Did they see Jesus on the pinnacle of the temple, did they see Him confronting the devil with the Word of God? Shepherds might have been in the wilderness, close enough to see Jesus confront the devil, but we may never know what news of Him spread after the temptations.

What we do know that Luke reports--He began teaching in their synogogues and was praised by all, 4.15. He began in the small places where the lowest people congregate, the synogogues. He began among the meek, the lowly, the quiet of the land. He was praised by all, in fulfillment of 2.52. Here in Galilee He began His ministry; it would end in Jerusalem.

He came home to Nazareth, where he was brought up, where everyone knew Him as a boy and now as a man. Luke leaves the impression those in Nazareth did not witness the temptations in the wilderness. As was the custom of every Jewish man, He entered the synogogue on the Sabbath, reading from the scrolls, Isaiah 61, Luke says--he found the place where it was written--as if Jesus rolled the scrolls until He found Isaiah 61. This passage is about the kingdom of God.

Whenever Jesus was asked to signify His message and ministry, He always did so with words which echo this passage. He says He came to preach first of all, and first to the poor. When John's disciples come to Jesus in Matthew 11.5, He says the same thing in reverse order: the blind receive sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleanse, the deaf hear, the dead are raised--and the poor have the gospel preached to them.

This is His attack on the devil. Jesus has announced He will unravel the work of the devil, beginning with the most defenseless, the poor--to set free those who are downtrodden, 4.15. He sits down, with all eyes fixed on Him. That may mean more than just eyes were fixed on Him. Everyone there marveled at his gracious words, but they wondered where He got them. They knew He was merely the son of a carpenter; did He go off somewhere to be educated? They were nearly sarcastic with Him.
 
Then Jesus turns against those in the synogogue. He accuses some of them of taking Him too commonly, as if what He did at Capernaum (healed the royal official's son) He would surely do in His own home town. His answer isn't what they wanted. He says God's kingdom is not for everyone. Jesus uses two examples everyone knew: Elijah and the famine and Elisha and the lepers, 4.25, 26. Luke says--all in the synogogue were filled with rage as they heard these things.

The men rose up, threw Him out of the synogogue, out of the city shoving Him to the brow of a hill over a cliff, to cast Him down. But Jesus, using His supernatural powers, passed through them all. The image of being thrown off a cliff is striking. Jesus will cast demons out of a man into swine which He casts off a cliff. Judas will cast himself off a cliff, as if shoved. In Revelation 12.9 the devil and Satan were thrown out of heaven, cast down to the earth.

Simeon had predicted that Jesus would be appointed for the--fall and rise of many in Israel. John had said--the axe is laid to the root. Jesus will not make life comfortable in Israel, especially among the religious, He will call whom He will call.

Luke 4

LUKE THEN WRITES that Jesus, having come up from the Jordan full of the Spirit, is led into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. His life is so predestined. Luke tells us Jesus lived in the wilderness 40 days without eating; he does not mention drinking. Evidently, Jesus was communing with God the Spirit and God the Father, a communion of God's word. We see the devil waits until Jesus is weak in the body to approach Him.

The devil says three things:
If You are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread

if You worship before me, it shall all be Yours (the world and its wealth)

If You are the Son of God, cast Yourself down from here

The three temptations are thought to be about hunger, the world's wealth, and testing God. In the first temptation Jesus answers the devil with Deuteronomy 8.3--Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word which proceeds from the mouth of God. In other words, every human being is a spirit, made in the image of God and not just a body which becomes hungry. The devil can tempt the body but not the spirit, which belongs to God Almighty. Scholars have noted for years that Jesus answers the devil as every Christian can, using the Word of God.

Then the devil shows Jesus all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. He says the kingdoms of the world have been handed over to him; he will give them to Jesus if He will bow down and worship the devil. Jesus answers with the first of the 10 Commandments--you shall worship the Lord your God and serve Him only, 4.8. This tells us the 10 Commandments were not just for Israel or the world, but for the angels in heaven and hell.

We might note in passing that the glory of all the kingdoms of the world will be brought to God in the new Jerusalem, Revelation 21.24.

The devil has failed twice, so he hurls the greatest temptation upon Jesus he can. He puts Jesus on the pinnacle of the temple to say--If you are the Son of God, cast yourself down from here, then quoting Psalm 91.11 that the angels in heaven would guard Him. What the devil does not quote is 91.2--My God in whom I trust. Jesus then answers with Deuteronomy 6.16--You shall not force a test on the Lord your God.

We might note that the three temptations might very well be the devil's acts of rebellion against God that make him what he is. These would be the devil separating himself from God, ruling the world without God, and testing God.

The devil left but Luke notes, he will return--until an opportune time.

This was the challenge of the devil against God, which was foretold in Genesis 3.15, the bruising the devil on the head. The devil is not dead--that will come in Revelation 20--but he knows his time is short. We can notice these three challenges are temptations for Jesus, not real confrontations like Achilleus and Hector in The Iliad. These temptations are readily defeated by the Word of God, seeming almost easy for Jesus. His power is so great that He can cast out demons by His finger, Luke 11.20, Exodus 8.19.

But for the devil, he knows he cannot harm God by fighting Jesus; he will have to deal with the followers of Jesus.

John 3.10

John knows he is not the Christ. His time in the desert may have told him that, contemplating Isaiah 40.3, over and over. He may have thought, leveling the mountains, filling the valleys, making the land flat enables the whole world to see the glory of God when He comes. These images are pictures of a world seeing the glory of God at the same time, all over the world.

So John says to them all at once--I baptize you with water...He Himself with baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. Interestingly, the Holy Spirit and fire were both present at the creation of the universe, Genesis 1.2, 3. Truly, the Holy Spirit and fire can enable one to be born again, as with a new creation. But John also preaches the message of judgment of that same fire when he says--God will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire, 3.17. As in creation, with light comes fire.

This can cause us to contemplate this universe. It is not a flawless valley in which no one ages, no one sins, no one has emotions and ambitions. It is a world which deteriorates if the Lord does not uphold it. It is a universe in which those who believe in God must act in holiness and faith. After all, darkness came before light. Darkness surrounds but light illuminates the soul. This is the world in which we live.

But John's preaching of God's winnowing fork in His hand struck against the wicked acts of Herod and Herodias, his brother's wife. Luke does not narrate the account of Herod's brother Philip, married to Herodias, the daughter of Herodias asking for John's head at the birthday party of Herod, and the imprisonment of John. The situation was probably well known.

Luke wants to end chapter 3 with the family history of Jesus, how Jesus was the descendant of Adam, who was the first son of God. It's important to show that Jesus is in the line of Abraham and David. Therefore, Luke puts the baptism of Jesus last in the chapter, although it probably happened before. Putting the baptism of Jesus like this enables Luke to link the Holy Spirit and fire of John with Jesus' baptism of the Holy Spirit and the dove. That recalls the two doves which were sacrificed when Jesus was at the temple in 2.24.

The dove reveals to everyone there that the Holy Spirit has come to fill Jesus. This pronounces to everyone that the upbringing, the training of Jesus is over. He is now filled with the Spirit, meaning the Trinity is in Him. The voice of the Father comes out of heaven, saying--Thou art My beloved Son in Thee I am well-pleased, 3.22. Luke does not say anything about the voice of the Father heard by everyone there. He does not say how cataclysmic this is that those living standing at a river hear the voice of the Lord God Almighty.

We might remember the role of the dove when Noah sends the dove out after the flood to find dry land. When the dove does not return, Noah knows the dry land is supporting growth. As Noah was a savior for the world at the flood with the dove symbolizing the land is at peace, Jesus will be the savior of the world with the dove symbolizing God is at peace with the world.

Genealogies are significant in the Bible to establish the family and the time from one event to another. For Christians, it is interesting to see how many names we can identify and describe in the family tree of Jesus.

Luke 3

THIS chapter begins with the date, as we've seen Luke use before. Luke locates the rulers who surround Jerusalem and the Jordan River where John will preach and baptize. Tiberias Caesar is in Rome, Pilate is in Judea north of Jerusalem, Herod is in Galilee northeast of Jerusalem, with his brother Philip in Ituraea and Lysanias in Abilene. Meanwhile, in Jerusalem Annas and Caiaphas were the high priests who ruled over the religious life of the city.

We notice the Word of God came to John. The angel had told Zacharias that John would be filled with the Holy Spirit, 1.15, and so he is. John comes to the region around the Jordan, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. This in itself is significant because this means salvation comes to the Jews through repentance and forgiveness, not through just being born a Jew. John has thrown Israel out of a unique relationship to God, saying the Jews come to God as anyone else does, through forgiveness of sins.
John quotes Isaiah 40.3 as meaning that God is coming as a king comes, so that the people must make a way for Him. This will be fulfilled in the triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem years from now. Then John says it plainly--all flesh shall see the salvation of God, 3.6. Salvation is not just for Israel, but for all flesh. God is showing Himself through Israel to all men and women.

John's sermon extract which Luke has preserved makes all of this obvious. It is not being one of the offspring of Abraham which commends a man to God, it is bringing forth fruit in keeping with repentance. Sin has alienated Israeal from God; they are outside the tabernacle, outside of God. Then John warns the people that the other side of forgiveness is judgment--the axe is already laid to the root of the trees, 3.9. This might remind some of those there at the Jordan of Deuteronomy 28.13-15, where God offers blessings for obedience but curses for disobedience. The axe is already laid at the root.

When those there question John honestly, he tells them what fruit of repentance to bring. This is the application of the Law to the individual, in the spirit of the Law. Many proverbs could be listed to show that John is speaking what God has said before. For instance, when John tells the tax-collectors to take no more than what they have been ordered to, we might recall Proverbs 20.4--

The king gives stability to the land by justice,but a man who takes bribes overthrows it.

Evidently the people took this to heart as fulfilling God's covenant with Israel through repentance and the forgiveness of sins because they became excited over John. They whispered among themselves as to whether John might be the Christ, the Messiah. They recognized that what John was preaching was what the Messiah was expected to say. But John has to tell them all who he is.

Luke 2.52

Finally Luke ends chapter 2 with an amazing statement. Jesus grew in stature with God and with man, 2.52. Many can grow in stature with God by being solely religious, such as John in the desert. Many can grow in stature with men as Alexander the Great did under the tutelage of Aristotle. But now, to do both is quite rare. It means Jesus was not a young man of compartments in which God is here and man is there. He was a young man who saw how much of God is in man and how much of man fufills our concept of God. He seemed to know what it meant to be the image and likeness of God.

Verse 52 could not be possible if Jesus were not God and man, both and yet without shearing the other's nature. This will not be understood until centuries later. It's no wonder Joseph and Mary did not understand what Jesus said; the Pharisees would not, and the priests would arrange his crucifixion when they realized what He had said of His heavenly Father.

THIS has been a long chapter in which Luke compiled everything known for sure about the upbringing of Jesus. Luke does not say if Jesus traveled or what scrolls He read or if He had close personal friends. Luke is focused on Jesus and the growing relationship to His heavenly Father. This relationship to God the Father may have been greatly aided by His relationship to Joseph. I would imagine God chose Joseph in order to teach the young Jesus that God in heaven is His Father. Joseph must have been a man of great maturity in the faith, as Mary was great in her trust of God.

But how does Luke describe a boy who is God? The very thought is bizarre. What was it like to be with Him? When John Milton wrote the poem Paradise Lost, he asked the Holy Spirit to help him:

And chiefly Thou, O Spirit, that dost prefer
before all Temples the' upright heart and pure,
Instruct me, for Thou knowest...

And in another passage, Milton asks of God:

thou celestial light,
shine inward and the mind through all her powers
irradiate, there plant eyes, all mist from thence
purge and disperse, that I may see and tell
of things invisible to mortal sight.

Luke has described in some details the people around Jesus--mother and father and cousin John and Simeon and Anna, the shepherds, Elizabeth and Zacharias, and those in the temple. He has written down the OT prophecies of Jesus, the talk of those around Joseph and Mary. He said very little of Jesus Himself except that He grew in wisdom and that the grace of God was upon Him.

Luke 2.39
JOSEPH AND MARY then returned with Jesus to their own city. They must've passed through a long line of eyes and those who could have cared less. In the quietness of Nazareth, young Jesus grew up--increasing in wisdom and the grace of God was upon Him, 2.40. Like John in the desert, Jesus belonged to God. Undoubtedly, Joseph had much to teach him about His heavenly Father. Jesus learned to work with his hands as well as with the scrolls about Israel.

The grace of God was upon Him, v.40. Luke does not elaborate on the statement, indicating many stories and incidents might be behind the verse. Luke might be describing what everyone in the village had come to know and accept about Him...that He was not like his father as to being just a carpenter, but that He belonged to God.


The next verse begins with 'And,' but it is not a continuation of the previous verse. This is the narration of an incident in which family and God meet and tangle. When Jesus was 12 years old, Joseph and Mary took Him to Jerusalem for the Passover. The implication was that He did not go to the Passover in Jerusalem before this particular year. The family celebrated the Feast there in a crowded, dust-breathing city full of the smells of animals to be sacrificed, foreigners, high priests and scribes, swindlers, sellers and buyers and an army of children.

Families would gather in groups on the roads to Jerusalem, traveling together for their own protection and sharing food and water. Inside the city gates they might scatter to their own business and manner of worship. After the Feast, the families would leave in wide groups, adults walking together, kids playing all around, yelling, animals snorting and bleating with a humorous chaos of journeying. It would not be unusual for a family to expect their children to be among the other children, since there were so many. So, Mary and Joseph don't miss seeing Jesus for the first day.

Jesus, knowing who He is by now, stays behind in the city as if it were home.

Joseph and Mary go back to the city, now desperate to see his head among the crowd. After two days of frantic searching they find Him in the temple; He had probably been there all along. He might have been with Anna or Simeon or another priest. His parents then see Him among the teachers, listening and asking. As He had grown up in Nazareth under the grace of God, so now everyone is amazed at His understanding and answers.

Joseph and Mary were astonished at Him, evidently not realizing He was destined for the life of a teacher and rabbi.

His mother berates Him with her impatience. When Luke writes of this, he uses the word for 'child,' when he narrates that Mary said--Son, why have You treated us this way? Behold, your father and I have been looking for you, 2.48. It is the same word Luke used in 2.27 and 2.40. This might imply that Joseph and Mary still thought of Him as a boy, to inherit His father's carpentry business. They thought He was one of them when He was not.

When Jesus says--Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father's house...this indicates He has already left Joseph's home for His Father's home, the temple at Jerusalem. Still, He was only 12; He must return to Joseph's home for a few years more. Joseph and Mary did not understand what Jesus said, but Mary kept His words in her memory.


 

Luke 2.21

AFTER 8 DAYS, the child was circumcized. It was the first time the name of Jesus was spoken outside his mother and father. In the temple where he was circumcized, His name must've resounded from wall to wall, hallowing the room, the name above every name, the name out of Heaven, the name of Jesus Christ. According to Luke's text, His name of Jesus was not given to the shepherds, only that He was Christ the Lord. But Mary knew. She was told His name before she even conceived. No man's life was so predestined as that of Jesus of Nazareth.

When the day for purification according to the Law came, He was presented in Jerusalem. This rite comes from Exodus 13.2, 10. Two turtledoves were sacrificed for Jesus. This must've made a deep impression in His young eyes, in the city which would be His destiny. Did He hear the voice of the Spirit, explaining why a sacrifice must be made? When He will be baptized, the Spirit comes to Him in the form of the same dove which was brought by His father. He will cleanse the same temple in which He makes His purification.

Simeon was there. He was an old man, having waited long for the consolation of Israael. A strange old man, he was filled with the Holy Spirit as John will be and Jesus is. The Spirit of God told Simeon he would not die until he had seen the Lord's anointed, the savior of Israel.
Simeon came into the temple--in the Spirit, 2.27. Did he know this would be the day, this would be the child? If he didn't know coming into the temple, he did know when he saw the Child. When Luke uses the phrase--he took Him into his arms and blessed God--this conveys to us the gentle care with which Simeon held the baby. Simeon looks at the Child, but speaks to God.

What we might notice is what the shepherds noticed: Simeon praises God for His Word coming true--Thou does let Thy servant depart in peace according to Thy word, 2.29. The shepherds recognized this new child, this new age, this peace with God on the basis that the angel told the truth, that Simeon had been told the truth. It is this Word which is truth that is different from any other age or time or epoch.

Simeon says--mine eyes have seen Thy salvation. Quite a statement saying that a person is salvation. This would never be said of a general, senator, philosopher. To say that someone is salvation is to say the world isn't just the way it is, but that the world should not be like this. It is to say there is some gulf between the way the ancient world was--dicatators, starvation, wars for economics, old age diseases, birth defects--and that this world could or should be different. Anyone else would say, some future idealistic world is not possible, only a dream of the idle rich.


And then to say that this person Jesus is a revelation to the Gentiles as well as the Jews, that is rare. It implies the Gentiles will be shown something which they could never have known otherwise. Certainly, in the ancient world it is the Jews who were considered unlearned compared to the Greeks, lacking in political power compared to the Romans, with little or no history compared to the Egyptians or Chinese. And yet it is to the Jews that the light of this revelation has comee.

All of this is stated well by Isaiah 42.6-13 in prophetic language. Notice as you read Isaiah, the very beginning of v.6--I am the Lord. It is He the Lord who has come in Luke 2.


All of this and much more were being said about the Child. Priests and wise men and shepherds and those holding scrolls, those awaiting Israel's history and restoration to glory, those from other countries, those who sit in the street, they all were speaking of this Child. Mary and Joseph heard this, and they took it all in as much as they could.

Simeon then says gravely--this Child is appointed for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and for a sign to be opposed...and a sword will pierce even your own soul..to the end that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed, 2.34, 35.

One wonders if Jesus was Joseph's first born. Other passages in the NT imply Jesus had brothers and sisters. If He is first-born, this scene with Simeon is a close, intense one, a private scene. If He is not Joseph's first child, His sisters and brothers could have been here, experiencing mixed emotions about who their brother Jesus really was.

The old lady Anna (or Hannah) came up to the family. She lived in the temple, serving day and night with fastings and prayers. Would she have approached Joseph and Mary if Jesus was their only child, or would she have deferred to Joseph as father? It may be that Anna was willing to approach the child if Joseph had other children there or it may not. Certainly the text we have from Luke says nothing either way.

Anna gave thanks to God for Jesus, seemingly to realize who He was. She seems to have turned round to speak to everyone about Him, everyone who was interested in the redemption of Jerusalem. Evidently there were many there in the temple who were looking for and expecting to see the redemption of Jerusalem or the consolation of Israel. Surrounded by those who were of this opinion and desire, word could easily have spread throughout the temple and the city and along the roads leading outward. When God is in your midst, it's hard to stay quiet.

The message of Simeon and Anna seems to be that while they and many with them believed by faith in God's covenant with Israel, they all saw Him.

Luke 2.15

THE SHEPHERDS then come straight to the manger, as the angel told them. They hurried. And yet they knew it was the Lord who had made this known to them. Evidently they knew angels when they saw them. They found their way, possibly by watching the star, possibly by searching around the outskirts of Bethlehem before they saw the candlelight in the manger. Their own sheep might have known of the manger, as it was a place to which animals would be brought in bad weather.

When they saw the baby Jesus in the feeding trough, they knew the angel had told them the truth. They would not have been able to keep from telling Mary and Joseph what happened to them. Probably everyone knew angels were messangers of God. But now to be told a savior has been born, that is something else.

So in turn they leave immediately to tell others the same thing. This would be hard to keep to yourself. For shepherds, telling this good news would give them an acceptability in society they usually wouldn't have.

It is a sign of Christianity that one tells another. The child who was God came into the world, seen by anyone who might have come by, even shepherds and animals. The philosophers in the School at Miletus did not see this; the kings and caesars and pharaohs did not see this. Later on in this gospel Jesus will often thank God that the wisdom of the kingdom was kept from the wise and intelligent but given to the lowly. Certainly, that is the case, here. Wise men from the east, shepherds from the fields, stable animals and the angels from heaven saw this.

As word spread that night by the shepherds, everyone who heard of this birth wondered. Mary pondered over the events which came with her baby. But the shepherds glorified God for all they had heard. Twice Luke mentions the shepherds believed what had been told them, 2.17, 20. The outcasts believed the word of the angel; later in the life of Jesus many will not believe what they are told of Him, but some will.

Luke 2
JOHN is born and so is Jesus. However, the Roman Empire will now cast its' net across Palestine in the form of a census. This census is for the entire Roman Empire, called--all the inhabited earth. It is from Caesar Augustus, presumably to subdue the people, to give Rome an idea of how much they can expect in taxes by knowing the population, and providing Rome the ages of the people in case young men have to be forced into the Roman army. An occupying nation needs to know its' enemy and their number.

What this meant for Joseph and Mary was that they must return to their own city. In Joseph's case this is Bethlehem, the city of David so named becasuse David's father was from Bethlehem, 1 Samuel 16.1, 17.15. Joseph was of the house of David. Isaiah had prophecied a virgin would bear a son from the house of David, Isaiah 6.13.

By now, Mary is showing her pregnancy, it is time for her to give birth. She gives birth in a manger, a shelter for animals against bad weather. Luke says Jesus was born in a feeding trough, implying Mary had Him in swaddling clothes laying down in the bottom of the trough, well out of the winter's cold night.

Around the manger, upon the hilltops some shepherds kept watch over their flock, which would have been laying down on the ground, huddled together for warmth in the night. As the sheep were huddled upon the hilltops, so the stars spread themselves across the spread of the sky.

A glorious angel stood over them, the glory of the Lord shone around them, so of course they were afraid. No one comes out to shepherds at night. Shepherds smell, as they save the pure water for the sheep and do not bathe very often. Shepherds are considered the lowest rank among the Jews, those not worthy of bother. They were nearly all illiterate, not coming to the synogogue very often in their life, so why would an angel come to them?

The angel says He brings good news for--all the people. This may be an indication of how the word of Christ's birth is to be spread: from the shepherds to the laborers to the meek and finally to the rulers. This Jesus will mention in Matthew 11.25, that God revealed the things of the kingdom to babes, not to the wise.

The angel calls Jesus--a savior who is Christ the Lord. That the shepherds were told Jesus was the Lord may be why lepers and the blind call Him the Lord later in His life, in Matthew 8.2. Then the angel tells the shepherds they will find Jesus wrapped in cloths, lying in a manger. It is to be God's sign to them, that everything the angel said about Jesus is to be true.

Suddenly a heavenly host appears all around the shepherds, unapproachable light cascading upon them, a glimpse of heaven come down. Notice in 2.14 the words of praise go up to God first--Glory to God in the highest--and then down to earth and to men--And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased. It is rare that the heavenly host would say God is at peace with men, but this peace is what Jesus brings.

Zecharias has mentioned this very peace when he gave his pronouncement in 1.77-79, ending with--to guide our feet in the way of peace. The only manner in which God could have peace with men is if Jesus were a meeting place of God and man, as He was. By the time of John 14.27, Jesus realizes this is why He came.

NOW it is the proper time for Elizabeth to give birth, as Luke says in 1.57, and it is a son. Their neighbors rejoice when they heard that God has shown mercy to Elizabeth. This may indicate that Elizabeth did not leave their house, so that they did not see that she had delivered but had been told. They then rejoice with Elizabeth, meaning they came to her house with gifts and music and prayers of exultation.

On the 8th day, they come to circumcize the son, intending to call him Zacharias, after his father. But Elizabeth has heard from God. She declares at them all, he will be called John. Those who had come protest that no one in their family had ever been called John, so Zacharias--still mute--writes on a tablet that John will be his name. His name is settled. Immediately Zacharias now can speak--and he immediately speaks in praise of God.

Fear struck all of those who were there. They knew this was from God. Word of what had happened spread all over the hill country from the women to the shepherds to the farmers and traders and camel owners. Everyone was saying--For the hand of the Lord was certainly with him, 1.66. But God was to have the last word.

Zacharias prophecies over the child, by the power of the Holy Spirit. He begins by saying God has accomplished redemption for His people. This is in the future tense, although as with the magnificat the verbs are put in the perfect past. It is as if someone who has been coming for a long time has finally arrived. Zacharias then prophecies his son will be the--horn of salvation for us in the house of David, 1.69. This Zacharias probably remembered from 1 Samuel 2.1, 10.

While the magnificat is judgmental with scattering the proud, bringing down rulers, sending the rich away, in Zacharias' prophecy the emphasis is on Israel's covenant, showing mercy, as the child John will go before the Lord to prepare the way for salvation. The last sentence of the prophecy is typical of the entire message--to guide our feet into the way of peace, 1.79.

Luke then says John grew strong in spirit, living in the desert until his appearance to Israel. This may indicate John stayed in a desert community. The desert communities had the scrolls in Hebrew of the Law, Prophets, Wisdom, and history of Israel. John may have heard these read as the monks preserve and copy them.

WITH the news of Elizabeth's child, Mary goes to her without the mention of Joseph. If they were betrothed Joseph might not be along. The trip was dangerous, as robbers were well known to be along the way. Maybe this is why Luke says--Mary arose and went with haste to the hill country, 1.39.


Zacharias and Elizabeth are there in the house. When Mary enters, the baby in Elizabeth's womb leaps. Elizabeth is then filled with the Holy Spirit. Luke writes this as if the Holy Spirit in Mary was so great it filled the house and Elizabeth like an overflow, as in Ezekiel 10.3,4. Elizabeth cries with a loud voice--an ecstasy--a livid leap of the soul to bless Mary, just as Gabriel had blessed Mary in 1.28.

Mary is not the first woman to be said to be 'blessed among women'. In Judges 5.24 Jael is called blessed--most blessed is she of women in the tent. This is because Jael killed an enemy of Israel, Judge 4.17-21. I assume that Jael is most blessed of women in the tent means in the OT covenant. Mary was not in a tent but a manger.

Elizabeth seems to know by the Holy Spirit which is filling her house that Mary's child is the Lord, 1.43. Not only that, but through Elizabeth the Holy Spirit says from Elizabeth to Mary--Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord. This is believing by the Word of God.


Now comes Mary's magnificat. It is poetry in the style of an OT prophet like Isaiah. It begins with what God has done for Mary and ends with what God will do through Israel as Abraham's offspring.

Luke 1.46-49 mention the Spirit of God and Mary, when she uses a personal pronoun for herself: My soul magnifies the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God, all generations will count me blessed, the Mighty One has done great things for me... These verses are Mary's song of gratitude and humility of heart.

Then in 1.50 Mary says God will do the same for everyone who fears Him.

And in 1.51 Mary says God the Son (His arm) will bring down those who are proud in the thoughts of their heart, Deuteronomy 10.16. The Jew has expressions like thoughts of their hearts because the Hebrew language had no word for brain or mind. Calling God the Son as the right arm is a common expression in the OT, as in Isaiah 59.16.

Then in 1.52-55 Mary expands the thought to rulers, to the humble of heart, to Israel His servant, to the fathers, to Abraham and his offspring.

This magnificat is quite Jewish in tone and mood. Verses 46-49 could easily be a psalm. It could only be in the context of a covenant with God that Mary knew she was blessed; after all only the God of Israel pours out blessings upon the soul. Her soul exalts the Lord, something a Jewish soul could do; her soul magnifies the Lord, something associated with the devotion of a priest in the tabernacle or the temple of Solomon. Her spirit rejoices that God is her savior, implying she knew she needed a savior, as in Psalm 35.9, 9.14.

After telling Elizabeth of her soul's embrace of God, she then tells what God has done, as if it were already accomplished, in verses 48-55. He has regard for Mary, He--has done great things for me...1.49. Then in v. 51 and following Mary tells of what the Lord has done for Israel. Notice the past perfect tense, as if these things were known and accomplished. He comes as judge who has brought down the rulers, scattered the proud, sent away the rich empty-handed.

For Israel He has given help, He has filled the hungry, He has shown mercy to Abraham's offspring.

We can notice that bringing down the rulers and the proud is an aspect of His holiness, His justice, His rule as perfect king.

Mary spent three months there with Elizabeth and Zacharias. They must've had many conversations in the day when the men were out working. They shared meals, did the washing together, felt their babies move, and slept under the same stars God made in the beginning. Mary returned home.

WHEN Zechariah was at home, Elizabeth becomes pregnant...again at the proper time. She is ecstatic but keeps these things to herself. It is the private joy which comes from waiting on God, and waiting many years. This might reminds us of Rachel's conceiving a child in Genesis 30.23. We notice God's favor then took away her shame from--among men, 1.25. That was probably meant to represent the entire community around Zechariah and Elizabeth. Everyone saw her slim, working as the women did and then the day came when they saw her great with child, beaming, smiling widely because finally God has shown His favor over her.

The proper time was coming, more intense with every day. Israel's reproach would soon be lifted. As the people waited for Zechariah to come out of the temple, so Israel is waiting for God to come from His throne, into their midst. He is about to do so.

We notice that Luke mentions the sixth month in 1.26. This is to locate the time Gabriel came, in the manner of remembering events in Genesis 8.4,13 and other places in the OT narrative. Days and years are associated with secular history; the genealogy of Israel is assocated with Israel's covenant with God.

With that in mind, Luke recites the family history of Joseph, 1.27. Now is the acceptable time, for God has sent Gabriel. Isaiah had prophecied that a virgin would conceive a child in Isaiah 7.14, 9.6. Actually the prediction of a son who will be born to a virgin may even go back to Genesis 3.15. There the Lord God tells the serpent there will be--enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed. Women don't have a seed, so why does the passage mention the seed of the woman? Because the father of Jesus is the Holy Spirit, who is not human, not a man who would have a seed. So the seed metaphorically comes from Mary. In truth, the life of Jesus was the most predestined life ever lived.

And Gabriel praises Mary. For centuries Israel praised God in the psalms, in their worship, in the prophets and poetry. Now, Gabriel from God praises Mary. He says--The Lord is with you. It can be translated--The Lord be with you.

Mary does not speak. Instead she takes the angel's words into her heart, pondering them. This is in contrast to Zechariah's skeptical outburst in 1.18. He spoke out, she takes in.

Again Gabriel says to Mary that she has found favor with God. This is also said of Noah in Genesis 6.8. This time Gabriel elaborates, he gives Mary more to hear. The angel is gradually taking Mary into God's plans, one step at a time. We notice that Mary is favored by God as a virgin, while Elizabeth was ashamed being without child. God's view is not the same as that of the neighbors. In 1 Samuel 16.7 the Lord said to Samuel--man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.

Mary has found favor. Then Gabriel says she will conceive, she will bear a son, she will name Hiim Jesus. He will be great, He will be called Son of the Most High God, He will be given the throne of David. Then Gabriel summarizes what Jesus willl do when he says--His kingdom will have no end, 1.33. Step by step, Gabriel has told Mary what Jesus will do, how to understand her son, and what this means for the world.

This is how she and Joseph are to understand Jesus, their yet-to-be son. He will be a boy, and yet more than any human boy ever was. These are the things Mary ponders in her heart. At this point, she then questions Gabriel--How can this be, since I am a virgin?


Gabriel takes her question as meaning, How will this birth even happen to me? Evidently she spoke in humility rather than doubt. Gabriel then tells her the Holy Spirit will come upon her, the power of God will overshadow her. This may mean the Holy Spirit will open her womb so that the power of the Most High God will cascade into her. This is God Himself, who will come. For this reason, the child will be called, the Son of God (Luke 4.41, 8.28, 9.35, 10.6, 22).

Then the angel begins his exit. He says even Elizabeth--who was called barren--is pregnant, so that--nothing will be impossible with God, 1.37. Mary then accepts everything Gabriel has said--be it done to me according to your word. She asks for no sign, although having Gabriel the archangel stand there in the room might be sign enough. She says, as Gabriel has said these things, they must be true. Gabriel then departed.

I've decided to begin a new blog on the Biblical gospel of Luke.  This will be simply narration and meditation, not scholarly or critical.

COMMENTARY ON LUKE'S GOSPEL

WHEN LUKE WROTE HIS GOSPEL, he wrote that--many have undertaken to compile an account of the things accomplished among us. How did they know what they wrote? Luke further says eyewitnesses--and servants of the Word handed them down to us. Luke further says he will write these events down--in consecutive order. This would be the Greek manner of writing history, not the Jewish style of compiling an account.

Evidently other accounts grouped the miracles together, the teaching together, the parables together in the Jewish maanner, by which they could be read and remembered in the synogogue or temple or house meeting.

1

LUKE begins by using the reign of King Herod, whose reign everyone would know. It is reminiscent of the day and year formula in Genesis 8.4. In the reign of this king, this priest Zecharias of the family of Abijah had a wife, Elizabeth. Her family is named as the daughter of Aaron, whose name would have great standing in Israel. However, Elizabeth was barren.

The word barren has a severe picture in it, that of a deserted land, a city lost in ruins, an abandoned place where nothing grows. In 2 Kings 2.19 the King James translation says of Jericho--the water is bad and the land is barren. The NASB uses the word, unfruitful, as if the land were never to be anything but barren. However most uses of barren refer to a woman's capacity to bear children. For instance, Genesis 11.30--for Sarah is barren; she had no child.

Just as only God could create the universe out of nothing, so only God can give a child to a barren women. Although Elizabeth is barren, she is sanctified of the Lord along with her husband Zechariah. They were righteous, blameless in all of God's commandments. This means more than just doing the religious thing; this means understanding what the commandments and requirements of the Lord mean. This is also said of Job, of Noah and Abraham but almost no one else.

Zechariah was chosen by lot to enter the sanctuary, in order to perform the priestly duties specified in 1 Chronicles 24.19. Evidently the people admired Zechariah so much they stood in prayer outside the sanctuary until he was finished. These were devout people doing their duty. While they prayed, an angel appeared to Zechariah.

Fear gripped Zechariah, as he knew who the angel was. The angel has to tell Zechariah to--not be afraid Zechariah, for your petition has been heard and your wife Elizabeth will hear you a son and you will give him the name of John. And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, 1. 13,14. This will be no ordinary son.

Evidently Elizabeth and Zechariah have been waiting. Notice that their petition is in the singular, as if they gaive it up to God once and then believed He would answer it. The angel's description of John means his life was entirely predestined for God. He will be the forerunner before Christ in the spirit and power of Elijah, he will turn fathers back to their children, he will prepare the way for the Lord.

But Zechariah says--How shall I know this for certain? Now this is not entirely skeptical; in the Old Testament signs were given when God does great things. But here in the New Testament, God's Word is enough. Zechariah must learn this. So the angel silences Zechariah for a time. Notice that Gabriel says he comes from the presence of God; he says he has been sent to speak to Zechariah, to bring good news. All of this emphacises the Word of God. It must be believed in the kingdom of God.

Gabriel then says his words will be--fulfilled in the proper time, 1.20. The idea that God's actions will occur on the earth at the proper time is one of the underlying themes of the NT. Jesus will be born at the right time; events in His life will occur when God ordains them; all of the actors in His salvation drama will take their places and say their words in the proper time.


Just to provide a small example of the proper time, when Zechariah came out of the temple, he could not speak. He makes gestures and signs to the people of what happened between him and Gabriel, and when his days of service were fulfilled he returned home--at the proper time.

LAST OF THE MOMSTER
Now that my mother is successfully ensconced in a retirement village, this blog will have to come to an end.  I probably won't write any more about my mother.
  However, I am looking for another subject upon which to write on a daily basis. I hope to find a theme soon.
Paul

COMING TOGETHER--85 Good Stuff

It is Tuesday. Yesterday I went over to the retirement village to say hello to Mom and find out if she is adjusting. They tell me she is really getting into events and has an older female buddy.

This is just what I wanted. I can put her off my mind, except for paying bills. We move all of her stuff into her new apt. on Saturday. It's going to be an ordeal, but only once.

Phil--my brother--and I are getting this done together with more harmony than we've ever had. I really like that. I cannot do this by myself and I don't want to.

All these damn change of addresses! I hate this part of moving; this is why I am more into my email address than a physical address.

Mom has so much unnecessary stuff. She has 8 or 10 bottles of the same stuff like vanilla extract, or hand lotion or plastic bowls. I've had to throw out about 50 pounds of stuff she has never used, probably never seen. She had dust everywhere in her bathroom.

Getting out of that apartment was good for her; it was a source of old memories and depression and dust and laying around. The new village keeps her moving and busy and doing things. This is good.

Arguments and Settlements

COMING TOGETHER--84

Mom spend the night at the care facility, by herself. She watched a movie, then slept until 10am when I woke her up with a knock on her door.

We went out to eat, paid her previous apartment off, and went back to her care facility. She won't get involved with the activities there, so I will have to go there less and less.

Philip will be there tomorrow. I've told her I won't come around. She cried; I told her to grow up. I told her she had not right to chain me down to her life, she had no right to enslave me. I have a right to my own life.

She says she doesn't care about Philip. I believe they will argue about the paintings and possessions. What she said was insulting to him, but I've always known my mother did not care about her children as much as she did her own life. She may make some sort of demand about leaving but I won't have her living with me.

She's going to have to fit in there, whether she wants to or not.

I've asked God to go before me when I see her on Thursday.

+++

Now it is Wednesday morning, about 4am. I have prayed for Mom and Phil's time together. I hope to God she is sleeping now. I hope this works out, because I don't want to go back to being her care giver. I'm her son, not her care giver.

We had a confrontation yesterday. I told her I wasn't her slave, that she had no right to take my life away from me. I told her I was not taking her away from Signature Pointe. I told her to make my Dad proud of her. I don't know how much of an effect that had on her, I suppose I will find that out after Phil leaves her today.

Coming Together -83

COMING TOGETHER-83

What a day this has been. I am exhausted. I am worn out with dealing with my mother's ways, with this move to a retirement facility. I am worn out with all the driving, with putting up with my mother's emotions, her delays, her reluctance and bad memory and fears, things she forgets, the things she doesn't want to do, the things she will not do.

I should have done this months ago, but no one in the family had gone through this before.

Now that Mom is in a nice retirement facility, I am homeless. I will have to find an apartment soon, and one that's pretty cheap.

My brother wants to come over to inspect things. He believes he needs to give his approval. He thinks he can do better than me; we'll go ahead, Phil, do better. You can do it all if you want.

I am not a health care professional, I can't take care of her 100% of the time, I can 40% of the time but living with Mom and trying to work has ruined my life, it has worn me down.

I have change of address stuff to do, more things to move, more chores with all of this.

COMING TOGETHER--82

Well now, guess what happened. Scorpions came into Mom's apartment, scaring her pretty good, convincing her she needed to move out. I killed one in her kitchen while she was there. I had the apartments call the exterminator, who came out to spray and leave traps.

But then the next night another baby scorpion showed up in one of the bedrooms. Evidently, this one came through the bathroom associated with that bedroom. They are ugly, threatening looking like miniature crabs with a tongue like a cobra.  The exterminator had done the minimum; but not enough to keep Mom from wanting to move.

In a way, I like the result. I am in contact with a lady who specializes in finding accomodations for the elderly. I hope to meet her Sunday. This might just work, even though moving Mom's furniture will be an ordeal.

Maybe living in a retirement apartment complex will enable me to work on days rather than nights.  Maybe I'll get some time away from my mother.  I need it, my friends say they look at my face and can see the stress and discouragement.

Now it is Sunday afternoon. I have met with Ruth, who specializes in finding the right place for people in retirement. We met, had a long talk. She mentioned a place about 2 miles from where Mom and I live. I went over there. I really liked the place, but Mom has been noncommittal. I hope she is willing to move in.

Our immediate problem is the rent is due on Tuesday. She would have to break her lease to move right away; I wish she would move right away but that involves some serious cash. And then we would have to find a place for all of her stuff. I don't think all of her stuff will go into the new apartment, but about 90% of it will.

The new retirement apartment management don't want me living with Mom, which is great! I dont want to live with her any more. It's too stressful to be worried about her 24/7. I probably should just stop worrying but if there's no one to come see her, it's hard to just stop.

This means I will have to get an apartment, back to living on a shoestring and dealing with a tight budget. Oh well, this living well was the best revenge but it's about to end.

COMING TOGETHER--81

Today is Saturday. I left Mom yesterday afternoon with food, which she ate. This is gratifying to me. I am more confident that she will take care of herself with me gone.

This morning she remembered a bill to pay. She got herself up by 930am and ate cereal by herself. So I got her coffee from McDonalds. Now she is watching her new flat screen tv, which she loves. Actually I feel better about what we're doing than I have in some time.

Mom is eating food we have left over from previous days; I think this is a good thing. I am making her get out of her easy chair and prepare her own food. I don't think she wants to do for herself any more.

I gave her a shower today. I mentioned she needs a nurse to do this and she agreed, but more because she doesn't want me to have to do something I don't want. She thinks it is distasteful to me to do this; it is to some degree but not as much as she might think. Still, the fact she acknowledges that she needs a professional nurse is a giant step in the right direction.

One of her favorite tv shows is scheduled for tonight. It has not been on in 2 weeks. She hopes it is tonight. I think that would make the night go better, so I hope it is on, too.

It is very hot outside. Mom no longer walks around the apartment complex. She sits on the steps for a few minutes and then comes in. I wonder if she does this out of depression, or maybe she's just bored, or maybe she is lonely. I can't say. Still, I don't go out there with her and she doesn't ask me to, either.

COMING TOGETHER--80

Mom has not been eating dinner lately. She says she is not hungry; she has said this before and I have intimidated her into eating but now I won't do it. I have given up on trying to get Mom to eat normally healthy food. She is not interested.

I have given up on worrying about her losing weight. I have given up on worrying about her welfare if I am not there. So I am spending less time with her, telling her more things to do and remember, even if she can't.

I am tired of living with her, but I know this is not over. I left her early today just because I am tired of her demands, her manipulative demands, her helplessness. She likes to ask me to do everything for her, like she was a baby and I am tired of that. I keep looking for some resolution, some improvement in our situation.

I am very comfortable in her apartment, but I'm also dissatisfied with my life--always giving myself up for her. It's not that I resent things she did in the past so much as I need some degree of privacy and rest. I don't ever get mental rest, caring for her 24-7. I'm not a nurse who can go home after 8 hours and on weekends. I can't go anywhere.

I wish she would get better but I know she never will. She is a demanding, manipulative woman who always got away with it. I'm tired of always being drained by her demands and constant harrassing questions. She follows me around the apartment, she questions me about everything. Yet, I have to realize I am much better off financially with her in her place.

And so it goes.

COMING TOGETHER--79

It is Monday, after Father's Day. Mom spent the day at my brother's house. We ate like kings. Phil had steak, salmon, shriimp, potatoes and plenty to drink. Her 3 daughters and their out of wedlock children were there, like a big happy family. Of course it isn't such a big happy family once you get to know them, but they do try to be together. They've gone through plenty of bad decisions and immoral behavior, so at least it's better than it was. The daughters have been in and out of jail, but Phil has dedicated himself to Jesus and his Presbyterian church, so things are better.

I had to leave early to get back home for sleep before I worked overnight. I was glad to leave, since I don't really fit in with Phil's family. My only real connection with Phil is golf, and that's okay. I don't have any family 'on my side,' in the sense of being like me, liking to be with me, etc. So I wanted to leave although I enjoyed myself more than I usually do.

My brother brought Mom home 2 hours after I got here. I was asleep, snoring. Phil said, 'He's happy.'

I woke up when Mom was here. She seems to have had a nice day but I think she is losing memory every day. Phil is going to go with her as she drives, to see if she is as incapable of driving as I think. I am not offended by this.

I hope he comes, to resolve this.

I need time off from my mother, especially the responsibility of her. That in itself stresses me out. I get weary of being here and what my mother is at her age. I love getting away.

I don't like working overnight but it is what I have. Mom has decided to let me write the checks for her, which is good. We do this thing: she gives up one thing which makes it easier on me. I do one more thing for her which eases my anxiety.

The message seems to be, I am going to be here as long as she lives. This is what I do, right now. Maybe there is some blessing in this after the end.

COMING TOGETHER--78
It is now Sunday, Father's Day.  I drove Mom over to my brother's house for a Father's Day celebration.  It didn't turn out to be about Father's Day at all.  Phil likes to hold court about his golf game, his daughters have their babies there for the women, and I didn't belong at all.
  Mom was in good spirits, with so many to wait on her.  She and I brought ice cream and cake but nobody got around to dessert, since no one ate at the same time. Everyone did what they wanted to, apart from any kind of family group togetherness.
  Phil got to see what Mom is like.  I think he offered to drive Mom home after I left because he saw how weary I am.  Taking care of Mom 24-7 is hard on me because I am a control freak in relationships.  I know I have to get out of this so it's something I have to focus on.
  I left the place early, around 2pm, Mom came home around 4pm.  I was asleep.  I didn't say much to her.  I don't know where I am with her: at least I have to say I don't like where I am with her right now but I don't know that I should make any move.
  I'm stressed, but it's probably due to my control obsession more than any circumstance.
  I've asked Phil whether she thinks I should let Mom have her car keys back.  I will probably do what she thinks.  Maybe both Mom and I need time away from each other.  What Phil says about Mom driving might be just the thing for me to begin to let go.

COMING TOGETHER--77
By now it is Tuesday.  Mom has had a bad night.  She has been awake nearly all the time between 10pm and 5am.  She lays there staring at the ceiling.  Then she goes to the bathroom because she no longer has any bladder control.
  She seems to forget or not know that I am there.  I couldn't sleep with the TV she keeps on loud all night and the lights she keeps on all night.  She keeps the lights on so she can see when she gets up in the middle of the night.  I think her vision is worse than she lets on.
  I couldn't sleep at all in her bedroom, so I took my blanket and slept on the floor in the living room.  I did get some sleep.  I don't think Mom ever knew I wasn't there with her in her bedroom.
  When she got up at 10am, she thought it was 2 days ago.  That is normal but it still surprises me that it doesn't bother her to be like that.  I guess she has no choice.  The trouble with living a long time is that you die a little every day.  One day it's the memory, another day it's the energy, another day it's the desire to do anything.  At least Mom has no pain, she is not bedridden, she really doesn't even know how little she can do.
  She refuses to go to a rest home, and my brother and I are not pushing for it.  I wish she were there, or I wish I could have an apartment away from her so I could sleep and get away from her.  But this is not going to happen.  I am going to be there with her for the duration, but I don't say this proudly.  I don't want it this way, but for some reason this is what's happening.

COMING TOGETHER--76

It is Saturday. I see Mom found her car keys, but I saw where she put them before she woke up. So I have hid them. So far she has not argued with me about them; I think she just forgot.

We went to our favorite breakfast place, The Egg. Mom ate well but I know she is losing weight. She wants to see the Superman movie next week, so we will go. She is in love with Russel Crowe. Mom is a movie star addict, when she was young with Robert Montgomery and now.

I think she fell in love with what my Dad looked like in his WWII uniform, more than she fell in love with him. Their marriage changed so much from the late 40s till Dad died 15 years ago.

I am reading to her the Maggie Hope mystery novels. They're set in WWII but from a modern feminist perspective; the novels are not realistic but they have a woman as the hero, not a man. Mom likes that.

Now that it is Sunday morning, the rain has continued. I knew Mom would not get out of bed if she heard the slightest rain. She likes to act afraid of any wind, any rain, any bad weather. I don't think she's really all that afraid, she just uses that as an excuse to withdraw and do nothing. As her energy wanes, as she loses interest in being with others, this is what she does.

So I went to church. Mom's church is an impersonal place, like a bank: you dress up, you deposit money and then you leave cordially without really knowing anyone. For me, it is a neighborhood church--if you're from the right neighborhood you fit in, if you aren't, you don't.

I wonder how those people get through the week without the spirit of God.

COMING TOGETHER--75

Now it is Friday. We went to do Mom's hair, but then it rained hard so she didn't feel like going to a restaurant afterward. I drove us back through a hard dark rain. We went through the drive-through at Steak and Shake, then we came home to watch a WWII movie, Above and Beyond.

The movie was about the first 50 bombers flown across the Atllantic to help the British. Mom identified with it more than any other movie I have bought her because my Dad was in the first Army Air Corps graduating class to fly American bombers across the Atlantic. Her emotions got to her, so she left the room, she didn't finish the movie.

The movie was not about the AAC bombers going over the Atlantic, they did that a few months later. This movie was about the first bombers flown by civilian pilots, crew, navigators. They had minimal training, especially in navigation. The flight was scary, over bad weather, with just enough fuel to make it if the navigator didn't make a mistake at all.

So I got ice cream out for both of us.

Mom is losing the vision in one eye. She has a sad, pained look. I felt sorry for her. I hope she will let me write checks for her, starting tomorrow. I am thinking her time is shrinking.

WEIGHT AND WAIT
It is now Thursday, the day I take Mom to get her hair teased and stiffened.  I think she looks better when her hair covers her head, but teasing her hair is an old lady in the 1950s thing.  This is her day out of the apartment.  Right now it is raining but I don't think that will deter Mom.

  My worry is that she is losing weight.  I know sooner or later her immune system will weaken with the loss of weight.  So I wait without telling her what I think her losing weight means.  I don't think she has the mental presence to realize any explanation I might give.  I don't think she has the fear of losing weight to want to change.  And I don't know if eating more will even enable her to gain weight.
   This just might be being 92 years old and aging.
 
  So we will live another day, doing what we do every week.  Fortunately I think I have talked my mother into letting me write checks for her.  I have been wanting to for the last few months.  She miswrote two checks and that has bothered her enough to bring this up to me.

  I expect that after Mom gets her hair teased, she will want to drive around to shops and malls so she doesn't have to go back to the apartment, and merely lying there as she does all day.  Maybe today will be different, but I'm prepared to spend the day bored--for me bored not for her.

  Our life is so different than people younger, working, trying to get to some place they think will make them happy.  I don't know that I ever found that place, or ever will.  I'm not saying I'm better off or smarter, just that I have a different viewpoint on life than they do.  I saw the speeding traffic go by our apartment, flying for the Tollroad, for office buildings and sales and spending.
  There's a hurricane in Florida, where my sister Nancy lives.  Got to send her an email to see how she's doing.  Family has become more and more of my life.

COMING TOGETHER--74

Now it is Sunday night, late. I have had a good Sunday going to church and taking Mom to the Galleria to get her toe nails clipped. She has a deformedd toe, the middle toe so the nail has grown too long, causing her much discomfort. It also can get infected easily. So we go to get her toenails clipped every two weeks.

Everythihg went well. We came back so I could get some sleep before my night job. Mom slept well, then I read to her from a WWII novel which she likes.

Really, there is nothing to say about today worth reading.

+++

Here it is Monday. I delivered laundry, then went to a softball field to get some exercise. When I came back, Mom had her sights set on the Egg and I, our favorite place to eat. This has become an imitation date for her. I wish we didn't go so often, but familiar places are what old people like. We're going to see The Great Gatsby this afternoon, around 7pm. Mom needs to get away from the apartment and so do I.

Being here so much makes her lazy and uninterested in anything. Maybe the movie will be good for her, but taking her there won't be anything I want to do. I just have to pay for the priviledge of her paying the rent. So this is it.

Well, it is late Monday. Mom has forgoteen the movies. I bought a movie of Dial M For Murder, an old intricate murder mystery with Ray Milland. Mom stayed interested in it all the way. She didn't like The Big Sleep with Bogart and Bacall. It's too slow for her, but Dial M seems to have been just right.

We have had a good afternoon and evening. Right now I am playing Michael Buble'. He is the modern Frank Sinatra, so Mom is here with me listening without speaking. Things are going well.

COMING TOGETHER--73

Mom wants to go to her hairdresser by cab, 16 miles one way on her own. This bothers me. She can't see, she can't take care of herself, she gets lost in places she knows. I am wondering if I should call my brother about this. I fear the worst, that some cab driver or someone seeing her on her own will beat her up, steal all her money. This would not be hard to do.

I wonder if this is the beginning of a confrontation about the way she lives. I believe she belongs in a retirement home. She refuses to go. We are going to have it out over this, one way or another. In a way, I wish some circumstance would hurt her enough to make her realize how defenseless she is. But then even if it did, she'd want to forget it the next day.

I think things are coming to a head. I need to spend money to buy tires for the car, I need to decide about selling the car. I might need it if my living with my mother changes or ends suddenly. If she goes into a retirement home, I will have to find an apartment and get more hours at work. This little mini-retirement life I'm living might be ending soon.

If Mom goes to a retirement home, I will end this blog. My other blog on science and technology might be ending soon. The editor and I have failed to attract an audience outside our own circle. So things might be coming to a halt here, soon.

It is around 130pm at night, Saturday morning, June 1. It's almost too cute, having thiings change on the first--a new month, the 6th month of the year, half-over.

How long will things continue as they are? I don't know, but I fear change will drop upon us suddenly.

COMING TOGETHER--72

Now Wednesday has come. I took Mom to get her hair done. This is a lot of trouble for me but it gives her the feeling of independence. However, some things happened.

Mom got lost in the store in which the salon is located. This upset her, as she likes to think she can get around on her own. It cut into her independence and pride.

Then she wanted to spend the day running around stores, but I couldn't do that. I had to get back to the apartment to get some sleep to work tonight. So I said she should get my brother's wife to take her around so they could spend all day doing whatever they wanted. Mom tried to exaggerate that by saying she could take a taxi, why I didn't even have to know when she takes the taxi and when she gets home. She was trying to get her independence back by separating herself from me.

I took her to the Cheesecake Factory, a good restaurant. Mom goes there because of the huge desserts. She eats a few bites of real food, then says she can't eat anymore. That's a lie. She just wants sweets, so she ordered a huge strawberry shortcake and after saying she can't eat any more, she downed the entire shortcake in easy fashion.

She said she depends on me too much. That is true, but not because she can be independent.

When we got back to the apartment, one of her lady friends called about the fact that Mom had completely forgotten a lunch she was supposed to lead and host today. This upset her.

She admitted she was losing her memory and that frightened her. I took that as the first time in a long time she admitted the truth about her age and her condition. I liked what she said. I told her eating all the sweets she does just takes any nutrition out of her blood, so it affects her mind and body. I think she got the point, but it doesn't matter. It's too late to matter. I expect her to forget what happened today.

This makes me wonder what is going on with her body and why she coughs so much. I wonder how much longer this situation with Mom is going to last.

COMING TOGETHER--71

It is Tuesday afternoon. As I am typing this, Mom is pretending to be asleep on the sofa next to me. I think she is lonely, and is there to be where I am.

I don't always want to be with her, I get tired of having to worry about her eating and health every day, every moment. I like getting away from her, but she has no one else. She is a dependant type who often uses arrogance to mask her dependency.

She badgers me with questions, as a way of talking to me since she really doesn't know how to communicate with me otherwise. I get mad at her constant questions, so I have to remind myself this is her only way to hear a voice in a world she is leaving.

She is like the image of the only person in the universe, standing on the earth shouting out to heaven hoping a voice would only come back. Without me to badger with questions, she is that person hearing nothing coming back.

If you don't believe in God, old age can be frightening to your memories.

So she lies there, just behind me at my right. It imposes on me. I wish she weren't there, I wish she were in her tv room, watching some stupid show. I've never enjoyed being around her, even as a small boy. I think I always knew we were as distant as strangers can be.

I always wished I could live with someone who did understand me, who could communicate with me, and I have known two women like that. They married someone else, so here I am.

COMING TOGETHER--70

Now it is Memorial Day Weekend. We have had a good time. No conflicts, Mom and I have been eating well, doing our duties and relating much better. I have been reading to Mom, she likes that because it is so hard for her to read herself.

I've been reading a novel called Princess Elizabeth's Spy, a spy novel set in WWII, about a young female spy. I've started reading to Mom, The Big Sleep, by Raymond Chandler. He used to live in LaJolla CA where Mom and Dad lived 30 years ago. I even read her part of my novel about Dad's life in WWII. She didn't know I wrote that. I think she was favorably impressed.

This is a sign that she is able and willing to do less than before, but it also means she has accepted she can do less than 6 months ago. I have to accept that, too. I can't push her beyond the limits of a 92 year old woman who can barely walk. I'm grateful she can feed herself and dress herself, so I have to remember to not be too impatient about how slow she is.

Mom's daughter Nancy and her husband Lamar have grandchildren. They sent me a video through the email, which I showed Mom. She smiled through the whole 4 minute video, in fact, she wanted to see it 3 times.

I am working more than I have in two months, maybe that's good but my job of working all night--8pm to 4am--is boring and drudgery. I'd like to do something better but the job fits my life with Mom so well I won't give up the job just for money.

Anyway, we go on. We don't have any answers to life, they are not coming. We just go on living, more out of default than anything else. The alternative to living is just a nothing. Not a black hole sucking us in, not a destination out there, not a fear scaring us into retreating into the past, just a nothing.

COMING TOGETHER--69

Today Mom and I went to our favorite place, The Egg and I. Mom stuffed herself so much I asked the waitress for a wheelbarrow to get her into the car. The waitress laughed, Mom did, too.

Now we are home. She is in her chair, about to hit dreamland full of food. I told her she is at the point that her taste exceeds her body. She wants to taste more than she can handle. She agreed, which was gratifying. She knows what I have to tell her, that it's better to eat good food than food that just tastes good.

I once heard a nutritional doctor say, If it tastes good, it's not good for you. Maybe an exaggeration but still it's true.

So I called my brother to ask him to call Mom, 'Tubby.' I hope he does!

I have to go to work overnight for the next 5 days. This is a first step toward spending less time with Mom than I have. We may be heading toward a different arrangement than the dependency she's had toward me. I hope this is the case, as I'd like to have a girlfriend.

Now it is Thursday morning, Mom is still asleep. She has had to sleep in her easy chair because she has little bladder control. This may be a bad sign, or it may not. I'll just have to ask the doctor or his head nurse, Amanda.

COMING TOGETHER --68

It is Monday afternoon. I don't work today, so I bought a couple of videos to watch. We did and then Mom wanted steak so I went for Steak and Shake. I wonder if all this meat is helping or not, but she eats all of it. I had a big chicken salad, a lot of food for me.

Now we are spending the afternoon doing a certain amount of nothing. It is warm and windy outside with predictions of storms and hail. Both of us have slept this afternoon.

Mom panicked, injecting fear into her mind more and more. She was getting out of control, even putting blankets in the bathroom. She tried to tell me that one bathroom was safer than the other in case of a tornado. I got mad at her, telling her if a tornado hit I was taking her out of the apartment. It didn't matter about any bathroom, we would leave. She got confronted by that. I think she hated me for that. I was disgusted with her and these infantile fears she manufactures.

Then she started watching the weather on the tv, over and over, until her level of fear disgusted me. I went into her tv room to get a book I had been reading to her. She thought I was going to read to her, so I refused to read to her unless she turned off the tv.

She did that. So I read, and by the time I finished she had forgotten about the storms outside. The book was about WWII and a fictional female character who becomes a spy, so I think it enabled her to escape the present weather and live in the past, which she likes. She really likes England.

Then, when I stopped reading she had forgotten any weather. I checked the Ranger score, then we watched a special on tv about Mel Brooks. She didn't really laugh, even though Mel was funny. I think she was too full of water and dinner to really laugh but I knew she was no longer scared of the weather.

Now Mom is watching a tv special about the early days of television and comediennes. She is now laughing at Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball. It is nearly 10pm, time for Mom to slosh her way to bed.

COMING TOGETHER--67

This afternoon Mom was telling me about her father. He was a banker in rural Missouri during the depression and later. He worked all day at the bank, then came home to take care of his invalid mother, my grandmother. He would do everything for her, after a full day at the bank. He had no life of his own. My mother grew up with that as the example for her.

I have wondered about the effect of that on her and in our family.

It does make me resent her. I wonder if she is using me to do what her father was willing to do. I have no desire to be that kind of man for her, as her father was.

I am realizing what a nothing life I have had. I never had a career, never had a family or a real wife--although I was married for 4 years--never had a household of children.

If I take after my grandfather, I have had no family to give me any kind of satisfaction in exchange for the labor, the social slavery he went through. I hope to God I have not passed that along to my daughters.

My life is fragile in the sense that it depends so much on my mother being alive, living as well as she does. I often think about what it would be like if my mother were not alive or not living on her own with me. I don't have a good enough job to live by myself, unless she dies and I have my inheritance. I am trapped by her, by the life she has with me, by these family patterns. It feels like a curse has been sent down from my

grandfather through my mother to me.

I'd like to get out of it but I have no life to go to then. It's like having a bad relationship is the only thing better than having none at all. So I stay in this prison I'm in because I would have no life outside of it.

COMING TOGETHER--66

We have come back from Kovoor's blood tests, and they look good. Mom's white and red blood count was good. Kovoor did not say her blood was anemic--good sign.

But Mom has lost 8 pounds since her last visit, 4 months ago. I discussed this with Kovoor, and he did not seem alarmed. That's probably good. I told him about her collapse and gradual recovery. That seemed to match up with what he has observed; he told me that twice.

The full blood test results will not come in until tomorrow. I will call his nurse Amanda at noon. I expect good results.

We went to Steak and Shake, which is becoming Mom's place of taste. It's good she likes steak but I wish she had eaten the lettuce and tomato. Still it's better than greasy fast food. Anyway, a good day overall if the weight loss is not indicative of anything.

I can tell she is doing better because she usually sleeps with her mouth wide open, like a flounder on the beach napping till the tide comes in. Now she is sleeping with her mouth closed because she has plenty of oxygen in her blood.

Now it is Friday. Mom has eaten well, she is eating on schedule by herself. I am getting away from her in the early morning and Mom is getting up and getting into breakfast by herself. This is a good sign, if I want to get a better job or a day job. I am waiting for word from Dr. Kovoor's nurse about Mom's blood.

Things seem to be going well all around. Rangers won, the bad weather has gone, Mom is all right. She is losing weight, she doesn't have the energy she once did, but she is aging at 92 1/2 years old. So maybe this is the way it is.

Mom wanted to go to Steak and Shake for the steak burger because she likes the taste. I tried to get her to eat just a bite or two of lettuce, which she refused. She knows I don't like it when she refuses to eat what's good for her. We are not speaking this afternoon. She is in her room, on her chair, doing nothing in particular. I am in this room, typing away, waiting to go to work. I have to wait until around 5 or 6 pm to leave. I'd like to leave right now, just to get away from her but that is not possible. So we have this stiff-necked truce, kind of like Lucy and Desi putting a clothesline down the middle of the living room because they are not speaking.

This will not go on forever, we live together so we cannot keep this up. I have lost the battle over food, she has won.

COMING TOGETHER--65

This is Monday. I decided to leave the apartment for the golf driving range, leaving the apartment for 2 hours. I wanted to get away from Mom, and I wanted to force her to do for herself. When I returned, she was eating breakfast herself. This was gratifying. We ate together, which encourages her. She has an aversion to eating alone.

I think she feels more alone than when she was alone. It's become something she feels like you feel heat or cold. So I sit with her, even if I don't eat or drink anything.

I am thinking about this because her disposition has improved so much in the last few weeks. Maybe I say this because I don't fear it when she misses a meal or doesn't eat as much as a younger person. Maybe my being less anxious about Mom's health has relaxed her, too.

We both have adjusted to each other's differing ways. I have learned how much nerves plays in health. To be able to do something without anxiety or self condemnation seems to contribute to health. Maybe health is 90% looking at yourself without incrimination.

Mom is losing weight. In an older person this is usually fatal. When your body can no longer reproduce cells, usually the end is in sight. I have not spoken to her about this, and I will not. Her loss of weight might be temporary or it might be a long slope down.

Tomorrow, I take my mother to one of her doctors. This is Dr. Kovoor, who is monitoring her blood after a cancer treatment. They test her blood for cancer cells,, but don't do anything else. Often her blood is anemic, but I don't think it will be tomorrow.

I think my mother is attracted to Kovoor's soft manners. I don't think he does anything for her but monitor her blood for cancer cells. But this is a big social event for Mom.   He makes her feel taken care of, and my mother loves to be waited on. 

COMING TOGETHER--64

As of Sunday morning, April never came. I was crushed in heart. I wanted so to see her, to have things between us be as good as they once were. I had to accept the fact that they never will be what they were 20 years ago. So I went to bed without being able to sleep right away. My emotions would not let me just sleep.

I wanted someone to resent, someone to blame but there is no one. So eventually I did fall asleep, without peace.

When I woke up, I knew I was going to church before April came for Mom. I knew it would be another time of not seeing my own daughter. But I have no choice. So I went to church. It was as if God paid me back some, because at church I received some attention from several other people. This is probably what church is supposed to be. And it did help me put my disappointment over not seeing April in some sort of perspective.

The pain lessened--for a time.

I came back from church to an empty apartment--a kind of relief. I got some sleep, then woke to go to the apartment exercise room. Then I came back and Mom arrived with my brother.

Phil was sick, so he didn't stay. Mom told me about the time she'd had. Ive noticed that when she comes back after being away from me for a time, I resent having to deal with her again. But we accomodated each other. April liked the gifts I gave her. That was gratifying to me. Mom told me she had told everyone how I have been taking care of her, and that was gratifying to her, also.

COMING TOGETHER--63

It is Saturday morning as I write this, 2am at work. I'm waiting so anxiously for April to come see my mother. I hope she can enjoy seeing me at the same time. She says she's stay overnight, but somehow I doubt that she will go through with that. I hope to see her for a few hours.

Sunday she and Mom will go over to Arlington to have Mother's Day with my brother's family. April has always preferred Phil and his family to me. This is heartbreaking, but I can't do anything about it. I did the best I could to raise April, but she has never been willing to return any love to me.

Still she turned out to be a great young lady and I am proud of her.

Mom has been good lately, as we sort of have leveled off our life into a routine. She did eat a huge breakfast this morning. I didn't ask her to eat much for lunch, so I hope she had the chicken and noodle soup I left her.

I got a serious offer for my old car today, I hope the person comes through with the $500 for it. I am already thinking of what life would be like without my old car. I've had it 5 years, spend a lot of money keeping it running.j It's big and comfortable and safe, but it's so old there are no parts for it any more.

Now it is Saturday at 1030am. We have had our usual cereal breakfast, I have gone to WalMart for some things and we are waiting on April to arrive. It is a beautifully cool day, a slight breeze with everybody out and about. Couldn't be more perfect for Dallas.

Mom is watching tv, as I am typing this.

COMING TOGETHER--62

Now it is Wednesday, the day for my Bible study. We went around this morning for several errands. I got a sandwich at 7-11 and we both came back to the apartment to take our naps. It is now 3pm.

The mail has come, although without any letter worth mentioning. My daughter April is coming Saturday and my brother's family is taking Mom out for Mother's Day on Sunday.

I had to clean the carpet last night, since my mother sometimes leaks on it. She doesn't see well enough to know what I cleaned up, only that the carpet looks better than it did.

Mom keeps saying she will come with me to the Bible study, but she never does. It's too easy to lay down in her easy chair every afternoon, especially now that it is getting warmer outside. Warm weather makes her drowsy and she doesn't feel like doing much.

I am at the point of wondering what is really important in life. I know that nearly everything that drew my attention when I was younger no longer does. It seems that I've thrown plenty of money at things which did me no good. Maybe that's something you say when you're older, and you can't do the things you wanted to, earlier.

Time has become an opposing enemy. It seems I have too much time, always waiting for a more eventuful day to come than the one I'm in. So much time between weekends, and then there's nothing to do on weekends now that I am nearly retired. Time seems so long, an interval I'd like to do away with, but can't. It reminds me of the Salvador Dali painting in which a clock melts over a tree branch, laying there without moving.

I don't know what I'm waiting for.