COMING TOGETHER--27

Now Sunday morning has passed. We went to Mom's church, which is Presbyterian. The people are nice enough, but is that sufficient? Is that even what God wants? I certainly can't go on through the week on that alone. I have to have some degree of spirituality.

I don't think I got it this morning.

So I went by myself to an Episcopal church. The place is quite ornate in an old European style church. The liturgy is long, with spoken parts written out centuries ago.

It makes me wonder how worship affects people. The Presbyterian worship is humanly minimal, with an emphasis on what the people in the community are like; the Episcopal liturgy is so set the people seem distant.

Meanwhile, my mother went to lunch with my brother's daughter's fiance. They seemed to have a decent time, talking about their latest doings and goings. I couldn't live like that, trading church for a restaurant. But was I any better? I don't know.

At least I got away from my mother for a few hours. I sat in my car, wondering who I am, what I am, nearly dozing off a few times. My caring for her was like falling down so deep into a mine shaft that when I got back to the surface, I didn't know what it was.

This is existence, this is breathing, but who am I?

　

COMING TOGETHER--28

Well, now, you'll never guess what happened. I developed a throat infection and temperature.

My mother panicked. She called my brother to take us to the hospital, where I was examined. I didn't have pneumonia or the flu, but I had a yeast infection and inflammation of my throat.

I had been saying, if this is my last day on earth I have fulfilled the opportunities God has given me; I have made out my will; I'm ready to go. But God said no.

Now I have joined the pill generation. Two medications, one for my mouth and one for my throat. I am tired.

Eating is an ordeal. It takes great pain to swallow any food so I have to have eggs and soup and water. No matter what it is, the pain of swallowing is great. But I have to eat, I have to do the best I can.