COMING TOGETHER--49
This morning, everything went well. We went to the dentist for me and it was not painful--until we got the $815 bill! Mom and I paid for it. Now I am taking her to her surgeon.
Actually I have to say Mom is doing all right. She has been easier to get along with than she has for some time. Her dementia is gradual, little by little. She sees very little. I think maybe something might happen in the next few weeks to change our routine, although I don't know what it might be.
Her surgeon says she is deteriorating at a slow rate. Her main aorta should be 3 inches wide on the inside but it is about 1/2 inch and shrinking. He has surgery options but they all are open heart options which he doesn't want to do right now. He did recommend calcium.
I think Mom has been lying to me about taking her nasal spray, so I will see what the truth is tonight. I got us dinner at Subway, which she ate well. I gave her the nose spray. I don't think she ever does the spray if I'm not there. I'm not sure she'd ever do a good dinner without me to get it.
She walked around the apartments twice today. I know this wears her out, so when she said she was sleeping in, I realized how little exercise she can get.
Now it is Wednesday morning. She has slept all night and I don't expect her up till around 10am. I'm going to have to make her take her allergy pill at that time. I've been up since 7, getting dry cleaning and laundry to the right places. It is cold and raining.
COMING TOGETHER--50
This is Thursday morning. Mom didn't want to get out of bed. I was afraid this might mean something, so maybe my urgency against her lying in bed made an impression on her to get up. She always says she's 'all right,' even if that isn't always the case.
So I got the laundry, tossing it down on her bed while she was still in it. I went away to do some work on the internet at a bookstore's open wifi, and when I came back Mom was up. She was dressed and had eaten a pear and had some milk.
I brough a breakfast sandwich from McDonalds with her favorite coffee. She was up and in positive spirits. So I tried to be positive with her at the breakfast table.
My fears were probably false. I have to respect the fact she is 92 years old. I have to accept the fact that she likes lying in bed all day, whereas I don't. It was probably good that I got her up, but I need to not panic. The trouble is I have no experience at knowing when my mother is in trouble and when she isn't.
Now as I write this, she is in the other room, in her easy chair reading one of her magazines. I know she will fall asleep soon, but that doesn't bother me as much as her laying in bed so long.
This afternoon, before I drive to work, the apartments is having a $5 pizza offer. That's what I will have for dinner.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
COMING TOGETHER--48
This Sunday I overslept, so as soon as I woke up Mom said, 'The tables have turned!' A touch of sarcasm, but I think she is weary of being told what to do by me. I am tired of telling her what to do. I'm tired of living her life instead of mine. But here we are.
I got dressed in a hurry for church. The service was crummy. Two young women were trying to act out church leadership without the gifts to do so. The sermon didn't have anything I could use to get through the week. Mom said the sermon wandered. But we did have communion.
We ate at a place called The Egg and I. We had to wait a long time, Sunday crowd. I was getting frustrated at this. Mom and I didn't say much during lunch. We both needed sleep when we came home.
I think both of us are tired of the other. She is tired of being limited by her blindness and old age. I am tired of taking care of her when I'd like to be living my life. I'm 63, these are my last years, but insted of doing things I'd like to have done all my life, I am taking care of her. It's somewhat like taking care of a baby, she is so slow, she can do so little for herself.
Now it is the afternoon. Mom is sleeping as she has most of the afternoon. She will have to take her pill soon. I will have to go to work soon. Another week of nights and then I go on the day shift. I have some trepidation about this but it will give me some relief from the stress of doing this.
This Sunday I overslept, so as soon as I woke up Mom said, 'The tables have turned!' A touch of sarcasm, but I think she is weary of being told what to do by me. I am tired of telling her what to do. I'm tired of living her life instead of mine. But here we are.
I got dressed in a hurry for church. The service was crummy. Two young women were trying to act out church leadership without the gifts to do so. The sermon didn't have anything I could use to get through the week. Mom said the sermon wandered. But we did have communion.
We ate at a place called The Egg and I. We had to wait a long time, Sunday crowd. I was getting frustrated at this. Mom and I didn't say much during lunch. We both needed sleep when we came home.
I think both of us are tired of the other. She is tired of being limited by her blindness and old age. I am tired of taking care of her when I'd like to be living my life. I'm 63, these are my last years, but insted of doing things I'd like to have done all my life, I am taking care of her. It's somewhat like taking care of a baby, she is so slow, she can do so little for herself.
Now it is the afternoon. Mom is sleeping as she has most of the afternoon. She will have to take her pill soon. I will have to go to work soon. Another week of nights and then I go on the day shift. I have some trepidation about this but it will give me some relief from the stress of doing this.
Friday, April 26, 2013
COMING TOGETHER--47
Today is Friday. I have spoken with Pam Jurlina and exchanged emails with her. She knows I need to get away from my mother. Last night I had to depend on Mom to eat the dinner I put out and she did. Excellent! And I had to depend on her to take her pill, which she doesn't like, and it seems she did--excellent.
I hope this means the coughing is over. I know she won't want to take the pill again, so I'll see how this goes. But now she says she will take the pill until the bottle is empty. Maybe her attitude is improving and I need to recognize this.
Friday night, her neighbor Diane came over to visit with Mom. Diane is about 53 years old, a computer consultant who has dated the same guy for 30 years--is this weird, or what? She's a tiny cute girl, possibly lonely or possibly she just doesn't relate. Anyway, she stayed a long time, longer that Mom wanted her to stay. I thought that was great, it gave me some relief from the responsibility.
On Saturday we went to get Mom's hair done and then to El Fenix afterward. That was a hit. But now my company wants me to come back to the afternoon shift--12 to 8pm. This means Mom would be on her own all afternoon and I would have to trust her to eat and stay away from the car.
Right now I have the car. Her coughing is over, she seems to be dependable but who knows? She seems to be recovering. I don't know where this will lead. Her driver's license is out of date. The apartment has some social activities for warmer weather. If I work this new schedule, that changes the outlook of everything. Now it is Saturday night.
Today is Friday. I have spoken with Pam Jurlina and exchanged emails with her. She knows I need to get away from my mother. Last night I had to depend on Mom to eat the dinner I put out and she did. Excellent! And I had to depend on her to take her pill, which she doesn't like, and it seems she did--excellent.
I hope this means the coughing is over. I know she won't want to take the pill again, so I'll see how this goes. But now she says she will take the pill until the bottle is empty. Maybe her attitude is improving and I need to recognize this.
Friday night, her neighbor Diane came over to visit with Mom. Diane is about 53 years old, a computer consultant who has dated the same guy for 30 years--is this weird, or what? She's a tiny cute girl, possibly lonely or possibly she just doesn't relate. Anyway, she stayed a long time, longer that Mom wanted her to stay. I thought that was great, it gave me some relief from the responsibility.
On Saturday we went to get Mom's hair done and then to El Fenix afterward. That was a hit. But now my company wants me to come back to the afternoon shift--12 to 8pm. This means Mom would be on her own all afternoon and I would have to trust her to eat and stay away from the car.
Right now I have the car. Her coughing is over, she seems to be dependable but who knows? She seems to be recovering. I don't know where this will lead. Her driver's license is out of date. The apartment has some social activities for warmer weather. If I work this new schedule, that changes the outlook of everything. Now it is Saturday night.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
COMING TOGETHER--46
It is Monday. We went to the dentist, who said Mom's inflammation was nothing serious. We ate at The Egg and I, restaurant, and we got breakfast there. It was good and light.
Now we are at home, getting caught up on the forms Mom needs to pay her taxes. She is looking for another form for her utility bills. She cannot see much of anything but her attitude is noticeably better.
I can see that she is recovering in some areas, but failing in eyesight and hearing. Her memory is gradually eroding but not in all areas.
I am tired and probably somewhat sick from the stress and fatifue of what I'm doing. I took a 2 hour nap today because I needed it so bad. I can't really ever relax living with my mother; there's too much ego between us. I'd like to have a day away from her, but I can't do that just yet.
On Tuesday, we went to the dentist for me. The cost was $853 which I will pay out by a plan, now that I am working. Then I took Mom to a clinic where they examined her for her cough and running nose. They gave her two prescriptions after a long wait. She was patient, but that may be because she seems weaker than before. Today she ate a small amount of cereal, she refused lunch, and we will see if she eats for dinner.
I don't like for her to eat so little, but maybe she is just weakening with age. I try to put her in God's hands, hoping she will recover but I know she has lived a long life and it is time to go. I just don't know when. So I pray.
Now it is Thursday. We have had a good week. Mom is coughing often with this allergy stuffing her throat, but she does have two medications. They are working but they take a few days. In the meantime, she suffers with getting up in the night coughing.
Her attitude is good through all of this.
I have learned that old folks do sleep a lot and eat very little. That's normal, so I have to accept what she's doing as all right.
She is actually doing quite well for a person her age, and I have to keep that in mind.
It is Monday. We went to the dentist, who said Mom's inflammation was nothing serious. We ate at The Egg and I, restaurant, and we got breakfast there. It was good and light.
Now we are at home, getting caught up on the forms Mom needs to pay her taxes. She is looking for another form for her utility bills. She cannot see much of anything but her attitude is noticeably better.
I can see that she is recovering in some areas, but failing in eyesight and hearing. Her memory is gradually eroding but not in all areas.
I am tired and probably somewhat sick from the stress and fatifue of what I'm doing. I took a 2 hour nap today because I needed it so bad. I can't really ever relax living with my mother; there's too much ego between us. I'd like to have a day away from her, but I can't do that just yet.
On Tuesday, we went to the dentist for me. The cost was $853 which I will pay out by a plan, now that I am working. Then I took Mom to a clinic where they examined her for her cough and running nose. They gave her two prescriptions after a long wait. She was patient, but that may be because she seems weaker than before. Today she ate a small amount of cereal, she refused lunch, and we will see if she eats for dinner.
I don't like for her to eat so little, but maybe she is just weakening with age. I try to put her in God's hands, hoping she will recover but I know she has lived a long life and it is time to go. I just don't know when. So I pray.
Now it is Thursday. We have had a good week. Mom is coughing often with this allergy stuffing her throat, but she does have two medications. They are working but they take a few days. In the meantime, she suffers with getting up in the night coughing.
Her attitude is good through all of this.
I have learned that old folks do sleep a lot and eat very little. That's normal, so I have to accept what she's doing as all right.
She is actually doing quite well for a person her age, and I have to keep that in mind.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
COMING TOGETHER--45
I thought she had given up driving--in her mind--but I was wrong. Yesterday she said she could drive again, but I said 'no.' She didn't argue the point any more, maybe because I keep reminding her of when she last drove she nearly hit a pedestrian right in front of her.
Her license is expired, and cut along the top, meaning she can't drive at night. If she confronts me about driving I will refuse. But as long as her car is there in the garage, she will want to drive.
She thinks she is getting better, but she isn't. She has not got any worse, as long as I am here to tell her what day it is and what she should do. Her vision is bad, her hearing is noticeably worse, her mind is in the first stages of dementia. But her heart and digestion systems are all right. In fact, they are good for her age.
But I don't believe she can't be left alone.
I am back at work, 8pm to 4am, so that I can take care of her during the day. I don't get more than 4 hours sleep but I have no choice. I feel like we are headed to some day of decision. Maybe to moving out to a care facility, maybe to me moving back to an apartment, maybe I'm just wishing my responsibility would have a day of ending this year.
I thought she had given up driving--in her mind--but I was wrong. Yesterday she said she could drive again, but I said 'no.' She didn't argue the point any more, maybe because I keep reminding her of when she last drove she nearly hit a pedestrian right in front of her.
Her license is expired, and cut along the top, meaning she can't drive at night. If she confronts me about driving I will refuse. But as long as her car is there in the garage, she will want to drive.
She thinks she is getting better, but she isn't. She has not got any worse, as long as I am here to tell her what day it is and what she should do. Her vision is bad, her hearing is noticeably worse, her mind is in the first stages of dementia. But her heart and digestion systems are all right. In fact, they are good for her age.
But I don't believe she can't be left alone.
I am back at work, 8pm to 4am, so that I can take care of her during the day. I don't get more than 4 hours sleep but I have no choice. I feel like we are headed to some day of decision. Maybe to moving out to a care facility, maybe to me moving back to an apartment, maybe I'm just wishing my responsibility would have a day of ending this year.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
COMING TOGETHER--44
Here on Wednesday, the day went well. Mom awoke but went to her tv chair too early in the morning. I criticized her for this, she said she'd come in the kitchen for breakfast and eventually did it. So I didn't say anythiing more.
I did my errands for us and brought her the coffee she likes best, as a reward for eating breakfast. I think she wants to be free of my telling her what to do, but she seems to know that I will say the same thing every day--eat real food and things go well.
We watched some baseball, I got us dinner at McDonalds and I went to my Bible study. When I came back, she had straightened up the kitchen, done a few chores, gone outside and was sitting up in her chair. All of that made me feel more like trusting her.
I know her mind is slowly eroding but her disposition is better every day. Tomorrow we will go do her taxes at HR Block. Friday I go back to work for the first time in 1 1/2 months. Saturday I will take her to have her hair done and then go to work. So maybe we have turned a corner and I can relinquish some of my worries and duties as her supervison.
Now it is Thursday, the day I take Mom to do her taxes.
We are back from the tax lady, Elaine. Mom had evidently thrown out some forms she needed. So we had to call two companies to have them mail the forms again. We are waiting on that.
We went to a cafeteria to eat. The food is good and generous, but Mom couldn't see what dessert she had chosen. It was so rich, it made her sick for an afternoon! She slept it off.
We watched an Agatha Christie video--Poirot--and then Rangers baseball came on tv. They won big, so the day ended well.
On the next day, Friday morning, I had to call Social Security early, 8am. I had to ask Mom to talk to them at that time and she remembered everything they asked her. She was great. I didn't think she could do it, being rudely awakened at 815am when she is usually in deep sleep. But she came through.
I am beginning to think she might live without me living here, if I come by two days a week to do things for her. I'm feeling the risk involved, but she is improving in health and attitude.
Her vision is not improving, it is getting worse. Her memory is not improving, either. But I can cover for that.
Here on Wednesday, the day went well. Mom awoke but went to her tv chair too early in the morning. I criticized her for this, she said she'd come in the kitchen for breakfast and eventually did it. So I didn't say anythiing more.
I did my errands for us and brought her the coffee she likes best, as a reward for eating breakfast. I think she wants to be free of my telling her what to do, but she seems to know that I will say the same thing every day--eat real food and things go well.
We watched some baseball, I got us dinner at McDonalds and I went to my Bible study. When I came back, she had straightened up the kitchen, done a few chores, gone outside and was sitting up in her chair. All of that made me feel more like trusting her.
I know her mind is slowly eroding but her disposition is better every day. Tomorrow we will go do her taxes at HR Block. Friday I go back to work for the first time in 1 1/2 months. Saturday I will take her to have her hair done and then go to work. So maybe we have turned a corner and I can relinquish some of my worries and duties as her supervison.
Now it is Thursday, the day I take Mom to do her taxes.
We are back from the tax lady, Elaine. Mom had evidently thrown out some forms she needed. So we had to call two companies to have them mail the forms again. We are waiting on that.
We went to a cafeteria to eat. The food is good and generous, but Mom couldn't see what dessert she had chosen. It was so rich, it made her sick for an afternoon! She slept it off.
We watched an Agatha Christie video--Poirot--and then Rangers baseball came on tv. They won big, so the day ended well.
On the next day, Friday morning, I had to call Social Security early, 8am. I had to ask Mom to talk to them at that time and she remembered everything they asked her. She was great. I didn't think she could do it, being rudely awakened at 815am when she is usually in deep sleep. But she came through.
I am beginning to think she might live without me living here, if I come by two days a week to do things for her. I'm feeling the risk involved, but she is improving in health and attitude.
Her vision is not improving, it is getting worse. Her memory is not improving, either. But I can cover for that.
Monday, April 22, 2013
COMING TOGETHER--43
Now that it is Monday, Phil, my brother, is coming over to give me a few books. My mother suspects the worst. She fears Phil and his wife are getting a divorce, or that Phil wants her to move out of her apartment.
Well, nothing like that happened. Phil had some time to kill before a funeral so he gave me three Christian books, talked about himself for an hour, and then left.
Obviously Mom likes to function on the basis of her fears, of which there are many.
She has been eating a lot of ice cream when I am not at home. Still, she is eating well enough so that no ill effects show. I read 3 chapters of Mark Twain's Innocents Abroad to her. She likes that since reading is now a struggle.
I went to a barbecue place for dinner. Mom said repeatedly how much food I bought; it didn't seem like so much but when you're already full of ice cream maybe she was stuffed. One thing about it, she is staying awake longer than usual. I had been telling her that it isn't normal for someone to sleep as much as she does. Maybe that shook her enough to want to stay awake, or maybe the ice cream did it. Can't really tell.
She doesn't walk for exercise any more, she doesn't ride her stationary bicycle any more.
Anyway, as I write this it is 10pm at night. She is in her bed with the tv on, and I am sleepy.
This is Tuesday. Mom got up on her own, a bit earlier than usual. I had a breakfast sandwich from McDonalds, which she likes. She is awake, in her chair watching tv. She is not doing anything. She doesn't want to do anything.
I think she is depressed and probably always was. She covered her depression for years with social and church activities, but it probably was always there underneath.
I have been reading to her, and she likes that. I've been reading Mark Twain's Innocents Abroad, which is about travel. Twain went to places where my mother has been, so it is fairly interesting to her. Twain began at Gibraltar, then he went to Marseilles in France. Mom has been to Marseilles and through France. So this is going well.
I am having trouble finding things for us to do, and today is no exception. I don't have any email to answer, I can't write an article for Duckworks until I receive a book in the mail Thursday or Friday.
Now that it is Monday, Phil, my brother, is coming over to give me a few books. My mother suspects the worst. She fears Phil and his wife are getting a divorce, or that Phil wants her to move out of her apartment.
Well, nothing like that happened. Phil had some time to kill before a funeral so he gave me three Christian books, talked about himself for an hour, and then left.
Obviously Mom likes to function on the basis of her fears, of which there are many.
She has been eating a lot of ice cream when I am not at home. Still, she is eating well enough so that no ill effects show. I read 3 chapters of Mark Twain's Innocents Abroad to her. She likes that since reading is now a struggle.
I went to a barbecue place for dinner. Mom said repeatedly how much food I bought; it didn't seem like so much but when you're already full of ice cream maybe she was stuffed. One thing about it, she is staying awake longer than usual. I had been telling her that it isn't normal for someone to sleep as much as she does. Maybe that shook her enough to want to stay awake, or maybe the ice cream did it. Can't really tell.
She doesn't walk for exercise any more, she doesn't ride her stationary bicycle any more.
Anyway, as I write this it is 10pm at night. She is in her bed with the tv on, and I am sleepy.
This is Tuesday. Mom got up on her own, a bit earlier than usual. I had a breakfast sandwich from McDonalds, which she likes. She is awake, in her chair watching tv. She is not doing anything. She doesn't want to do anything.
I think she is depressed and probably always was. She covered her depression for years with social and church activities, but it probably was always there underneath.
I have been reading to her, and she likes that. I've been reading Mark Twain's Innocents Abroad, which is about travel. Twain went to places where my mother has been, so it is fairly interesting to her. Twain began at Gibraltar, then he went to Marseilles in France. Mom has been to Marseilles and through France. So this is going well.
I am having trouble finding things for us to do, and today is no exception. I don't have any email to answer, I can't write an article for Duckworks until I receive a book in the mail Thursday or Friday.
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